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Product Information & Safety Superhero Education Rangers |
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SHAMELESS
PRODUCT PROMOTION
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The
TRS-80 Whiz Kids defeat a ruthless gang of |
Egad!
Only the Radio Shack TRC-500 brand walkie talkies can save us now!
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Contrary
to popular belief, explosive decompression is not always the best way
to relieve your aching thirst. Special thanks to Brent Kostka for sending this one my way! |
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This is a sad day for Metropolis, indeed.
View The Whiz Kids' Profile! |
You probably can't read the caption, but it says "Look, it's Superman flying off to save Supergirl!" "Let's help him with our TRS-80 microcomputer!" |
I love it when super villains just fly around and destroy shit because they feel like it.
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The world of computer science has never been this exciting, or beefy! View Captain Electron's Profile! |
Big Boy dresses like a pimp, starts a citywide crime wave, and dispenses many fun and educational facts about New Jersey. | I'm sooooo glad the guy who fixes my septic tank doesn't have his own comic. |
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| Quite possibly the lamest comic ever written. |
ENERGY
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This
Australian comic has found a true recipe for laughs by creatively
pairing a lovable wisecracking rodent with it's most ruthless natural
predator. |
I've seen some pretty f***ed up crossovers before, but this one is almost beyond belief...
Check out bloated soup boy's kung-fu stance. That's some pretty serious snake in eagle's shadow action going on right there. |
If there's one thing I've learned from reading crappy comic books, it's that anthropomorphic mice know a hell of a lot more about electricity and energy conservation than any other beings on the planet. |
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| I wouldn't trust Goofy to turn on a light switch, I sure as hell don't want him touching my local nuclear power plant! |
INDUSTRY / ENVIRONMENT
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Every child in America probably had one of these at one point in their life. It's the heartwarming tale of a naive young bear, plucked from the cinders of his former home, and thrust into the seedy world of forestry service PSA's and baby-food addiction. View Smokey Bear's Profile! |
Even
if the United States Steel Corporation did just pull the legend of Joe
the Genie of Steel out of their ass, he's still 10 times more interesting
to read about than Kazaam the rapping genie. If anyone has a copy of this issue, please e-mail me! |
He
may be butch, but he still flies like Tinkerbell. |
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Smokey returns with more woodland friends to fight forest fires, carnies, and tax fraud. |
Ecol-o-gee! If all spotted owls are this addicted to punning, it's probably just as well they're an endangered species. Special thanks to Brent Kostka for sending this one my way! |
You thought the Whiz Kids were annoying on their own-- now they've got Archie and Jughead to help! |
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Greetings. We're from the government. We're here to bore you. |
I know it's important to protect America's waters, but why is Mark wearing pantaloons? | My cat hates it when I make her fly around like that. |
TRANSPORTATION
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And if you're really good, Tommy, we might get you a door too.
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It's
a bad idea to let your illustrator take five peyote buttons before sitting
down to sketch this week's layouts. |
Hopefully,
this comic is about the importance of airbags, since that seatbelt
sure as fuck isn't helping right now. |
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The ANARCHY of the cyclist can be tolerated no longer! Fortunately, there's a spandex-clad vigilante for everything nowadays, and Sprocket Man is here to teach you about the importance of hand signals and bike lanes, or kill you trying!!! View Sprocket Man's Profile! |
This is a comic handed out to kids at Sinclair service stations to promote the new fuel additive RD 119, which appears to be a little man in a red cape who lives in your parent's gas tank. I don't know about you, but this would scare the piss out of me... If anyone has a copy of this issue, please e-mail me! |
Airline sick bag not included. |
DRUGS
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| Spidey teaches some Canadian kids that drugs might be bad for you, but radioactive spider bites will make you super strong and let you stick to walls and stuff... |
Monsters from outerspace sell drugs to baseball pitchers as part of a plan to conquer the human race. |
Nothing cleans the junkie scum out of the city like an angry Canadian football player, and his rich buddy beating the crap out of everybody in sight. View the Crack Busters Profile! |
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Consider yourself pittied, drug-fool! |
When tiny cookie elves tell you to put the bong down, you really should listen. |
Blah blah blah drugs, blah blah blah Whiz Kids, blah blah blah kidnapping... View The Whiz Kids' Profile! |
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When being an addict means being counseled by the world's most annoying teenage duo since the Wonder Twins, checking yourself into rehab begins to look more and more like a free vacation to Club Med. View The Whiz Kids' Profile! |
HEALTH / NUTRITION
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Forget it... you can make up your own derisive comments for this one. If anyone has a copy of this issue, please e-mail me! |
I always thought the Green Goblin was kind of a pathetic villain, but stealing from dentists is an all new low. Special thanks to Brent Kostka for sending this one my way! |
Not only are mad scientists evil and planning to take over the world, they also refuse to brush inbetween meals. |
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Perfect reading if you want your kids to grow up to be vegetarians. |
The point of this comic was to teach 4-H members about the importance of balanced nutrition, but it mainly served to strengthen my opinion that childrens' television personalities from the 70's are just plain creepy. View the Mulligan Stew Profile! |
Second hand smoke is as deadly as it is annoying, but should it really take three of America's most powerful superheroes to stop one guy dressed like that? If anyone has a copy of this issue, please e-mail me! |
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| It's always nice to know that all your childhood ailments were caused by big ugly green monsters bent on world domination. | Yes, Asthma's back for round two, and this time he isn't wearing any pants! | Blondie's creepy enough on her own, but this one was written by the 'State of New York Department of Mental Hygiene.' Ewwww.... |
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| If you need to be told this, somehow I don't think Bugs Bunny can save you. | The Myth Monster is a big lumpy purple demon who wields a magic yo-yo and enjoys lying to kids about epilepsy. What a bastard. | Just when you thought I was exaggerating when I said there's a comic for everything, this little tale comes along to teach us all about the dangers of huffing gasoline vapors. I guess it takes all kinds. |
SOCIAL ISSUES
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| Shut the hell up, Archie. |
Spider Man and Power Pack teamed up in this one-shot comic to help prevent child abuse. Though it was a noble attempt by Marvel to get an important message out to America's youth, the project was eventually scrapped after failing to convince even a single child to go out and read Power Pack. |
Superman can crush coal into diamonds and fly faster than the speed of light, but he can't figure out how to use his super powers to dig a stupid well. |
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| Sadly, over 99% of all rampaging triceratops are illiterate. | Probably the exact same comic with a different cover, but equally ineffectual. | More superhuman ass kicking with a moral thrown in somewhere around page 64. |
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| What is it with supervillains and their viewscreens? If I had a spy network like that, I'd be so busy watching the girls locker room, I wouldn't have time to threaten the world with block-headed androids. |
Your parents hate you, and have done everything in their power to ensure you look back on your childhood with bitterness and despair, but look on the bright side: this comic is free with the purchase of any of our fine slurpee-related beverages. |
Ooh.. This is a good one. Spidey vs. Teen Sex. I haven't found a copy yet, but it probably comes shipped with a discreet brown paper wrapper. If anyone has a copy of this issue, please e-mail me! |
TOURISM
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| Sure they're selling out, but can you really blame them? |
I always knew people who lived in Texas were a little fucked up, but WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?!?!?! |
Poor Texas. The only thing robbed here is your pride. Special thanks to Red Wolf for sending this one my way! |
RELIGION
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The pope sure does look bad-ass in his flowing red cape. Plus, I think that's Sinestro's power ring he's wearing. Special thanks to Brent Kostka for sending this one my way! |
She doesn't wear spandex, and we've never seen her fly, but she still has better super powers than either of the TRS-80 Whiz Kids. |
The creepy story of an ex-military demolitions expert who develops a "special" relationship with the voice in the back of his head that tells him what to do... |
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| Can you say 'Tax Write-off'? | The story of Joseph and his coat of many colors retold with turtlenecks and mullets. |
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